The Fear of Fear
The mountains, valleys, and pillars of fear are an illusion of separation.
My new favorite word is ineffable! It actually makes me feel like I am swearing when I use it. As in - So “ffing” crazy that I can’t wrap my words around it!
As I continue on my inward journey, exploring the landscapes of my inner world, where I have packed away the impact of my life’s story and where my connection to the essence I refer to as God, I find fewer and fewer words to explain my experiences.
Can an experience ever be fully captured with words? For me, the answer is no. The deeper and more meaningful the experience, the fewer words there are to explain it. I am not only referring to a spiritual experience; this goes for all of life’s experiences. How do I expound on how the blue of the sky “feels” to me? What love smells like? What color is a hug? Or the song of the morning dawn? My awareness, when thoroughly explored, mixes up all my senses. A phenomenon referred to as synesthesia.
Reading a little about this phenomenon might lead you to believe there is only one way to experience sound, sight, smell, and touch, and any variance would be considered abnormal. I beg to differ. We are sentient beings created to experience a full spectrum of experiences, even without a drug-induced or diagnostic reason.
This morning (it was super early), I was contemplating the notion of climbing mountains and exploring valleys as a metaphor for our life experience. I had begun a Meti-sketch, my newest way to deep contemplation, and all that I could see in the scribbles were mountains behind mountains. I began to ponder something I heard a few days ago, which said if you reach the mountain top, there is always another mountain to climb beyond it. (or something like that.) I didn’t resonate with that because it felt defeatist, like a never-ending uphill battle with no end in sight. I felt the gloom of that thought, and it began to weigh heavy on me, leading me to pray. I opened myself to the Light within my being, what I know to be the Source of all and who I call God. In my communion with Source, I was shown the story of Adam & Eve.
The story of Adam and Eve … Ginger’s perspective
"Why are you hiding behind that pillar? Who are you hiding from? What has caused you such great fear?"
I see myself hiding behind and in the shadow of a great white pillar, reaching far into the heavens. A bright light shines down and encompasses everything except the shadow I am crouched in. I hear the booming voice say again -
"Why are you hiding behind that pillar? Who are you hiding from? What has caused you such great fear?"
I feel the voice reverberate through my being. It is the sound of thunder, the flash of lightning, and the smell of rain all wrapped up into one. I want to crawl into myself, fearful of being seen.
Then the embrace—I feel the embrace of a Motherly figure, her words whispering,
"Dear one, why are you hiding in the shadows full of fear? It is us; it is Love who calls to you. Why do you fear LOVE?"
At that moment, the pillar of fear dissolves, and I remember the true essence of my being, and I melt into LOVE.
